All right. First things first. Did Michael Bay do it? Yes he did. He succeeded in purging his sins from the disastrous second Transformers film, and delivered a typical Bay product, that is a worthy successor of the first Transformers. The critics have not been kind to Bay, but actually Transformers 3 has no pretensions to be anything more than it actually is, a kick ass-action film, filled with massive (and I mean massive) visual and sound effects, like no other movie has ever delivered them. The first Transformers (2007) was a fabulous film, which balanced a funny screenplay with comic side characters with eye boggling action set pieces. The second, Revenge of the Fallen (2009), was... well, the least said about the second, the better. The third film is, at 2h30 min, the biggest, loudest and meanest of all Bay's action epics. Not one with a brain, but one with a lot of brawn. So one cannot judge a Bay film based on it's structure, plot or acting. One must judge it by the size of its explosions. And they are the best I have ever seen. The movie has one of those twisted-real-events plot. The 60s lunar missions were actually conceived so that the americans could beat the russians to a Transformers ship that was strayed on the moon. Buzz and Neil were there, took a sample, returned, and everything was hushed up. Off course that no-one remembers that there were 5 more missions to the moon... but moving on. The laying of the plot mixes amusing scenes (so typical of the first film, so missed in the second) in which LaBoeuf has a new rich new girlfriend (model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) and he tries to get a new job after graduation. No one knows he saved the world twice, and he misses the action, and being with his transformer friends. Scenes with John Malkovich (his new boss) are hilarious, as with his parents. Meanwhile, Josh Duhamel, and his new Secret Service boss (Frances MacDormand) face a new threat of evil transformers, lead by Magatron once again, and Patrick Dempsey (wtf!!) his human ally, and their plot to conquer earth using a secret weapon hidden on the far side of the moon. As all hell breaks loose, LaBoeuf teams up with his old mates, including John Turturro, and heads to Chicago, where Hunntington-Whiteley is held hostage and the fate of the world will be decided. The plot is not very interesting and has many holes, but it is just an excuse to reach the 1h30 minute mark of the film. And then, oh yeah, then, for one full hour, there is a large scale, full-length, kick-ass, awesome, full-blown final battle. My ears where hurting from the none stop sound effects, my head was hurting from the non stop density of explosions, gun shots and debris. But I hold my breath all the way. It was amazing. Ok, no art in this film. But for an action seeking movie goer, seen in that perspective, this is the top of the ladder. And one may give a nod to those Chicago builders. Damn, those buildings withstand being torn apart, and still they hold standing up. Amazing. All in all, T3 adds to a worn out plot some twist and turns to try to make it interesting but forgets some major rules. For example, if one of the main characters dies early in the film, everyone knows it was a fake death, and he will return! Also, despite having a cameo by real Buzz Aldrin, messing with real events is never good, because a lot of inconsistencies arise. But this movie has also good things. It brings the hilarious scenes back to Transformers. Spraying them with famous actors with comic timing also helps to give it an enjoyable quality. LaBoeuf shines once more but what is with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley? She is less hot than Megan Fox. Worse, she is less hot than Isabel Lucas! She is a model, and a model always will be. No acting qualities. Just pose. And she poses right of the bat in tight clothes next to Michael Bay's passion: cars. She is useless to the story, but appears exposing her qualities every step of the way, in an obnoxious character that even poses next to debris just so that she can look good in the middle of a war. Oh, and by the way, how come an advanced alien technology does not know that if you pull a planet to Earth's orbit, that will screw with the orbit of the entire solar system and basically destroy it as we know it? And what about the 3D. Filmed with 3D cameras, you would suppose it would be fabulous. Well, it was, that is, in the scenes where humans are filmed. But in the special effects scenes, someone forgot to add the 3D, and those scenes, let's face it, are 80% of the movie, and what it is really all about. So, buuh on the 3D!
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